Monday, August 2, 2010
Well it's been a few weeks since I wrote about Haiti. I've endeavored to plug back into life here in Tennessee. I'm still trying to reconcile what I became as a result of Haiti, with who I am here. It's a little tricky to look in my fridge and see mold growing on something that should have been eaten or cleaned out already. Throwing food away, scraping plates, emptying the garbage and other routine chores have taken on a kind of heaviness, that is hard to explain if someone hasn't had a similar experience. All that to say though, I've never been able to taste destiny so clearly, so divinely, before now. We are here but for a short time. To think how many people our lives touch between today and death, and how each one can be marked with a memorable love, is awesome. This brings me to live, to life!
Life really is very precious. Depression and other terribles endeavor to steal it's beauty away on a daily basis. My weapon against depression is thanksgiving. Days that I wake up heavy, remind me to enter into thanksgiving. Thanksgiving in it's true form actually repels depression. It causes my eyes to lift away from my lack, my disappointments toward beauty, toward that which is good. It provides a new platform to view my life and other lives, as well as their value. It's from this platform, I can change the world. (A lofty goal I know, but if I fall short...maybe I will change a nation. ;)
I recently re-watched "Swing Kids". I saw it many years ago and loved it. Not to give anything away, (although it is at least 10 years old so...) the German kid throws his life away to stand up against the Nazi's by swing dancing in the end. (Ok, sorry I gave it away. lol) In my youth I probably thought that was awesome how he stood up for his beliefs in the end, how he wouldn't be cloned by the Nazi's, how his passion overtook him. This time I found myself thinking, "Why didn't he save some Jews, stay undercover...do something for real? I mean if he was going to end up in the camps anyway, wouldn't it have been better if he didn't just throw his life away by....dancing?" It got me thinking, there is so much to be passionate about, but are we throwing it away, wasting it on something that is only meaningful to us?
Passion comes with a greater purpose than to envelope our own hearts. If I am fixated on MY vision or MY "passions", they can distract me from a compassion that draws me and others into something vital. It keeps me mind-locked in a small room with nobody but myself. I don't want to distract myself with all kinds of different passions, I want to be controlled by true passion, by compassion. This is what gets me excited..this is my destiny! It calls for me day and night.
It's so easy to toss away a day because I feel troubled/depressed/angry..or fill in the blank. That's happened too many days in my life, a mistake I hope to avoid for the rest of it. On days like that, something doesn't happen. Destiny stops short for an hour, or day, or month, or year. This life comes with a destiny! Whether I make blocks, travel the world, eat dinner with my family, or dress my girls for school...my mindset it what attracts my destiny, and allows me to live in a continual renewal of my mind. I prefer a renewed mind to the alternative.